Some Jokes

A

man was driving well above the speed limit when a police car suddenly

emerged from behind, sirens blaring. Thinking he'd outpace the cop, the

man pushed his accelerator to the floor. His car's speed rose to sixty, then

seventy, eighty, and ninety. Finally, the man thought, what the heck, and

pulled over, ready to receive a speeding ticket.

The police officer got out, leaned over the man and said: .Listen, Mister, I

have had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good

excuse and I.ll let you go..

The man thought for a moment and said: "Three weeks ago my wife ran off

with a police officer. When I saw your car in my mirror, I thought you were

that officer and were trying to give her back to me".

No ticket.

******

An eager young man entered his prospective boss's cabin for an interview,

Said the boss "One thing our company is very particular about is cleanliness.

I hope you wiped your shoes on the doormat while coming in?"

Yes, sir,. the young man replied promptly.

Back came the rejoinder, "One more thing we're very particular about is

honesty. There is no doormat outside!"

*****

A salesman was dismissed because he was rude to a customer. A month

later the sales manager spotted him walking about in a police uniform.

"I see you.ve joined the force, Bhatnagar,. said the sales manager.

"Yes, Sir. This is the job I.ve been looking for all my life. Here the customer

is always wrong."

*****

The police car, its siren blaring, raced in front of a speeding car and forced

it to stop.

A heavily built policeman got out and walked over.

"You name, please?" asked the policeman, taking out his notebook and pen.

"Certainly, officer," replied the driver. "It.s Horatio Xerxes Laertes Idomeneus

Aeneas Asclepius Iphicles Menoeceus Memnon Philoctetes Tyndareus Hylas."

The policeman thought for a moment, then looked at his notebook, shook

his head and said: .I.ll just give you a warning this time . don.t break the

speed limit again..

*****

A man who had just died, arrived at heaven's gate. Before allowing him

entry, St. Peter asked him if he.d ever loved a woman.

"No," the man replied, "Not a single one."

"Did you have a friend you cared for?"

"No."

"Perhaps you loved a pet? Did you not feel a love for nature?.

"No."

"What took you so long to get here?" asked a surprised St. Peter. "You.ve been

dead for ages."

*****

A tea manufacturer wanted a new advertising gimmick, so the senior creative

man at the advertising agency decided to go to Rome to see if he could

persuade the Pope to make a TV commercial.

"We'll give you one hundred thousand pounds for a ten second commercial,.

the ad man told the pontiff. All you have say is: Give us this day our daily

tea..."

"I'm sorry," replied the Pope, "but I can't do that".

"Five hundred thousand," offered the adman.

"I'm afraid not," said the Pope, solemnly.

"All right. One million pounds. And that's our very last offer."

But still the Pope refused. On his way back, disappointed adman turned to

his secretary and said: "It's odd that the Pope refused to do a commercial for

tea. I wonder how much the bread people are giving him."