When Your Spouse Wants a Divorce and You Don't
When Your Spouse Wants a Divorce and You Don't
By Gillian Reynolds
When you are going through a rough patch in your marriage thoughts of separating may creep into your thoughts. It's nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, many people who are at odds with their mate consider a divorce. The thought of it is much different than the reality though. When your spouse wants a divorce and tells you it can feel as though your world is crashing down around you. How you handle the situation will actually determine whether or not the marriage does end in divorce. Your actions can actually influence your spouse's decision greatly.
Your first reaction when your spouse wants a divorce may be to vehemently refuse. Crying and begging are not beneath anyone when the person they love most in the world has expressed their desire to end the relationship. Doing this can actually damage the relationship even more and further alienate your spouse. When you react in an emotionally charged way to their sharing their feelings about the relationship they may feel even more alienated from you. This can cause them to come to the conclusion that they are indeed making the right decision regarding the divorce and they'll be more determined to make it happen.
A much more productive approach is to try your best to remain calm. This will likely be incredibly hard but it's important for several reasons. By not pouting or shouting you are showing your spouse that you understand the seriousness of the situation. If you agree, at least temporarily, to a separation you are also demonstrating that you respect their wishes and want to do all you can to help them. Don't assume that your spouse will think you want a divorce as well if you agree to a trial separation. Just make it clear that you still love them but you want to do what they feel is best for them right now.
Don't involve anyone else in your marriage troubles. This includes your parents, in-laws, children and mutual friends. Once you include another party your spouse may feel that you've violated not only their privacy but the privacy of your marriage as well. It's very difficult if your spouse is confronted by another person and asked to talk about your marriage. This can actually cause your spouse to feel resentment towards you that may be very hard for him or her to overcome. Keep your marriage issues between the two of you.
By Gillian Reynolds
When you are going through a rough patch in your marriage thoughts of separating may creep into your thoughts. It's nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, many people who are at odds with their mate consider a divorce. The thought of it is much different than the reality though. When your spouse wants a divorce and tells you it can feel as though your world is crashing down around you. How you handle the situation will actually determine whether or not the marriage does end in divorce. Your actions can actually influence your spouse's decision greatly.
Your first reaction when your spouse wants a divorce may be to vehemently refuse. Crying and begging are not beneath anyone when the person they love most in the world has expressed their desire to end the relationship. Doing this can actually damage the relationship even more and further alienate your spouse. When you react in an emotionally charged way to their sharing their feelings about the relationship they may feel even more alienated from you. This can cause them to come to the conclusion that they are indeed making the right decision regarding the divorce and they'll be more determined to make it happen.
A much more productive approach is to try your best to remain calm. This will likely be incredibly hard but it's important for several reasons. By not pouting or shouting you are showing your spouse that you understand the seriousness of the situation. If you agree, at least temporarily, to a separation you are also demonstrating that you respect their wishes and want to do all you can to help them. Don't assume that your spouse will think you want a divorce as well if you agree to a trial separation. Just make it clear that you still love them but you want to do what they feel is best for them right now.
Don't involve anyone else in your marriage troubles. This includes your parents, in-laws, children and mutual friends. Once you include another party your spouse may feel that you've violated not only their privacy but the privacy of your marriage as well. It's very difficult if your spouse is confronted by another person and asked to talk about your marriage. This can actually cause your spouse to feel resentment towards you that may be very hard for him or her to overcome. Keep your marriage issues between the two of you.
Unfortunately there are times when one partner in a marriage decides they want a divorce, even if the other still wants to work on the relationship. There are things you can do, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was. For more advice on what to do when your marriage is in serious trouble and steps you can take to save your relationship, visit this helpful site. |
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